DAY 7 of 21 "BROKEN & POURED"

So today, I think the little blurb below that expounds on the fast hit me even more than the scripture itself. Well I'll say it made the scripture REALLY hit home! **Feel free to jump to the bottom and read the paragraph before continuing lol** In any case, this was the word for me. I'm not sure if you all remember the initial text message I sent out about this fast, but I made a very transparent statement at that time. I said that "I feel stuck in a place between who I've always been and who I'm SUPPOSED to be in God". I really did, and still do, feel that way. But today I was able to get some clarity on that place. I know some of you probably identified with my statement when I sent it, so this may help you too. At church today, my Pastor spoke about the convenient places in our lives. Those places that are the go to spots when things don't work out the way we'd like. They are the places we use as our backup plans when our faith isn't strong enough to believe that God's PLAN A will succeed. It's the place some of us have LIVED for so long, but were only meant to VISIT. I don't mean to make it sound too ambiguous, but it's something different for each of us. For me, my convenience has been FEAR! I've been afraid my whole life of everything. At first, in the beginning stages of life, it was something that I thought would fade away and then it turned into a lifestyle. It became my retreat and often first instinct. I would pray half prayers....putting on the ACT like I was getting something through when really on the inside I had already set up a PLAN B for when God didn't respond since I didn't feel like I was worthy of a response anyway. I would vacillate consistently in making decisions (hence that DARN indecisiveness of mine mom lol). I didn't vacillate because I was weighing options though. I went back and forth because I was AFRAID of taking a step in any particular direction. Fear has been such a large part of my life that it became a part of who I am. So today I realized that this "in between" place that I'm in is really God working at my core. God can't...well He WON'T throw me into a new place that requires more of me and not strip me of the old weights. Man, Fear is just the beginning for me. I know that there are even more things deeper beneath the surface, which I will find as I continue digging through this process. There is a real demolition that is about to take place and as I am broken more and more, I will also pour out the crap in me that's been holding me back. I'm talking my "Logic", my "Will", my "Inhibitions", my "Doubts"....all of that stuff. I'm letting it go piece by piece for HIS sake, so that I can create the space for the building of a new me. I don't know if any of you are in the same boat....but that's my heart today. 

Mark 14:1-26

Broken and poured out.  You see those words in both the story of the woman and the last supper.  Since bread and wine are likely not options for you to remember Jesus during these 21 days, do what the woman did.  Do what Jesus did.  Live your life broken and poured out in remembrance of what He has done for you.  How can your life be a living memorial to Christ?  Talk to God about things in your life that need to be broken and poured out like that vase of perfume.